A Valentine for Halloween

It had been more than two months now, Brim needed to get over this and move on. Never before had someone hung onto his thoughts like this and refused to let go. It was infuriating. Where were the days of fucking around with whoever whenever, no emotions necessary? Gone down the highway along with Neemo and all of his stuff. University was a time for him to be free, to screw around and figure out all of his likes and dislikes. A chance for more than one kind of education, if he played his cards right. Brim was so jealous it hurt, of course he was in denial about it all.

He rolled over on his bed and glanced at the time on his phone. It was really late but that had never mattered to the demon. He was more likely to stay up until sunrise then get up at noon than to have a regular sleep schedule. The phone told him more than the time, it told him the date as well. It was only a few days until halloween, which was just making everything worse. His inbox was full of email invites to the hottest parties in town, parties that were guaranteed to be full of guys in skimpy costumes who would love to take him home. He didn’t want to go to a single one of them.

The problem with halloween was twofold. On one hand, it was just proving how different everything was for him since the idea of being home a stranger wasn’t really starting his engine the way it used to. On the other hand, all he could think of was Neemo at some college party, in a skimpy costume, letting some stranger take him home. He wasn’t one of those guys, at least Brim had never thought he would be but who knew what he was up to now, far away from his family, from Brim. The demon had no right to feel this jealous, they’d never been anything more than fuck buddies. Right or not he was jealous just thinking about someone else's hands on Neemo's body.

The closest he'd ever felt to this in the past was with Maanta, Neemo's older brother but even that was nothing in comparison to this.

When Neemo had moved away mid August to get used to life out in his new city, new province, Brim had told himself it was time to go back to his old life. Unfortunately there had been more than one encounter in September that had ended with Brim unable to get off, mind elsewhere. Of course he didn't let on to that little problem, left his partners senseless from their own climaxes so he could hide the lack of his own but it was frustrating. Everytime he started to lose himself in that carnal pleasure he loved so much it was Neemo,’s face he saw. It was an unwelcome distraction, especially when Neemo wasn't here to rectify it and Maanta wasn't single anymore.

A quick tap on the phone’s home button minimised the email app he had open, hiding the email draft he'd written nearly a month ago. ‘I miss you’. He wasn't that kind of sap, he didn't say shit like that. Yet he'd written it anyway and had yet to delete it. It just sat in his drafts folder, begging to be sent along. How many nights had he stared at it, finger hovering over the send button? Too many. He clicked open his texts, selecting a few of his old regulars. He needed to forget all about that nerdy kid and move on.

‘Hey, what are you wearing? ;)’

It was hardly eloquent or even that polite but these were the types who lived for raunchy messages and late night hook ups. Hopefully they replied soon so he could pretend the growing bulge in his pants was from whatever their replies were rather than from the idea of Neemo’s ass peeking out from under the skirt of some kinky halloween costume. Brim was a lost cause at this point, Neemo could have the demon wrapped around his little finger with just one word. It was pathetic how much his former pupil had managed to change him over the last year or so. Thankfully a chime from his phone kept him from wandering too far down memory lane or his imagination. A second chime went off right after the first, before he could even bother to bring the screen to life.

‘A really sexy pair of shorts. If you come this party I'll let you see what I'm definitely not wearing under them.’

Brim was way out of the loop. He hadn't even realised there was a party going on today. Of course, in his crowd of people there was always a party going on somewhere but it made him wonder if he was getting less and less invitations to the smaller ones. Had he really become that antisocial? It wasn't like he'd stopped partying altogether when Neemo had started asking for more intimate tutoring sessions, though maybe near the end he'd been a little less active than before. Still a party might be what he needed to get the kid off his mind.

The second text would have normally been more promising than the first, the sender had just taken a picture to show off that they were in fact, not wearing another, silk sheet draped to let just the beginning curve of their ass show. That was a definite invitation to fuck but Brim wasn't sure his heart was really in it. Their effort wouldn't go to waste however, he snapped a selfie back, one that pictured the lump in his boxers brought on by his memories, along with a few words to invite some serious sexting. At least that he could manage still. It wasn't really hard to type up the words and actions he used to do, he could hide behind them, keep his reputation intact.

He went to the party once he got the address from his first responder but when it wound down and dissipated for the night he ended up going home alone. The guy who's been so kind as to invite home didn't get left hanging, Brim had blown him in a dark corner but it really had down nothing to help his predicament. The whole time he'd just been remembering the sweet whimpers and whines Neemo had always made when it was him on the other end. The demon felt dirty about it, guilty. This was not a usual place for his head to get lost in and he didn't like it. It was messy and confusing and this was exactly why he made it a point to never get too attached.

Waking up alone in his bed was the last straw for him. When the demon had rolled over and reached out for a body that had never actually been there he knew he couldn't let this go on. Instead of shopping for a halloween costume he loaded his car up with a couple of days worth of clothes and called a few hotels before he found one he could make a reservation in. A plane ticket cost nothing to him right now, it was worth every penny.He wasn't going to just sit around and wait for a message that was never going to come. He couldn't will Neemo to text him, to email him words he clearly didn't want to say. He fired off a text as he climbed into his car, fueled by a disgustingly large coffee and half eaten bagel.

‘What classes does he have this afternoon?’

‘I don't know that he wants to see you, you know. But English. Hurt him and die.’

At least Maanta was willing to hand over the information,even if it came with a threat.

‘Thanks. I don't plan to.’

‘Good luck then I guess. Don't drink too much when he turns you down.’

He tried not to think about being turned down. Even though Maanta likely knew his brother's feelings far better than Brim did, he didn't want to give up quite yet. If he could have given up he would have weeks ago, all of this feeling and caring was starting to make him feel sick. He used to make fun of guys in this situation, would tell them to move on and stick their dick elsewhere but now he was the one pining for someone he couldn't have. He'd never realised it wasn't as simple as that. There were plenty of apologies he should probably be making to more than one guy  who'd spilled their hearts out only to have him dismiss it but those could wait. He needed to have his old life back, needed Neemo to free him from whatever spell he'd cast upon him it was maddening.

The flight was an easy one yet Brim still stepped out of the airport and into the taxi willed with a sense of dread. He lingered in his hotel room once he got checked in. If he didn't leave the room he could say he just needed a few days to reach and enjoy the luxury suite. That plan didn't sound all that bad, it was far safer than actually making himself go to the university campus and search for the English building. This was a horrible plan, he had no idea how exactly he planned to find Neemo in the sea of students that were bound to be on campus. This whole venture was feeling like nothing more than a big mistake at this point. Still to have come all this way and not try to find Neemo? That would be a waste of money and time time that could have been spent pleasing party goers who cared about nothing beyond their next release.

The campus was larger than Brim had anticipated it being, his own school had been a little more self contained since there was less space for the campus. In the end he’d needed to ask for directions from two students in the main area’s help desk. One had given the other a dirty look when they announced that they’d walk him to the english building to make sure he wouldn’t get lost. Last year he might have taken advantage of that coy smile and wink in his direction but today he just thanked them for their help and left it at that. His stomach was in knots like he was headed in to take the biggest exam of his life, an exam he hadn’t studied for in the slightest.

The helper seemed disappointed when Brim decided to wait in the main section of the English building, leaning against a door frame so he could see everyone who came in and out. He was left there, waiting for the next large crowd of students to pass through. He scoured every face, searching for one specific set of features, ignoring the questioning looks and glances he was getting. There. At the back of that one wave, walking with a couple of classmates, at least Brim assumed they were classmates. They were handsome enough, it wouldn’t surprise him if they were luring Neemo into their beds. That thought would have made him angry if his heart hadn’t hurt so much from the sight he’d been so desperate to see.

In his chest, Brim’s heart squeezed so tight it was painful, another pain twisting in his gut. Fuck it was only supposed to be his dick that was happy to see him, not his heart too. The muscle only loosened enough for a heartbeat when Neemo’s eyes met his through the lenses of his glasses. It looked like, at least for a moment, the younger man might have faltered, might have hesitated. In any case he excused himself from the pair who’d been trailing along beside him, heading over to the demon who waited so patiently.

“You never called. You never emailed.”

Neemo’s voice was as harsh as his expression as he stared up at the man he used to sleep with. If looks could kill Brim would have been dead on the spot.

“I didn’t want to get in the way of your education, whatever education that might have been.”

“I told you before I left and I will tell you again. That was never my intention. I’m not looking to fuck around like you might have spent your university years doing.”

There was less of an edge to his tone now, more softness that came across as sadness. If Brim’s heart wasn’t already crushed in his chest it might have been from that alone.

“You’ve always been a strict student.” Brim could already feel himself making mistakes in the way that his defenses started to raise. Fighting wasn’t what he came here for, neither was pushing him away even further than he already had. “Look, I’m sorry. It doesn’t make it any better but I tried. I just chickened out.”

“So you thought you’d what, come here and fuck my brains out just for fun? I have an essay due tomorrow. You wasted your time.”

This was it. This was Neemo letting him go, freeing him to be the big slut around town once more. It felt worse than anything else had. There was nothing else he could do aside from watch Neemo walk away from him, closing doors between them. Well that was that and it was time for Brim to fuck his emotions away with whatever piece of cute ass he could find. Too bad he ended up back in his hotel room, alone. What was it about that unsent email that kept drawing his eye, time and time again? He’d never thought he was all that interested in torturing himself but clearly his subconscious had a different idea.

He was sick of looking at it, sick of seeing it, just sitting there, taunting him in his unsent messages folder, nestled amongst emails to professors and job opportunities he’d never felt the need to send. It was childish, to be afraid of something so small going out into the world. It was time to let it go just like he’d been. Instead of hitting delete like he should have, Brim hit send. It wouldn’t matter now if Neemo knew how he felt, it wasn’t like he was going to see him again, except maybe in passing, at events Maanta might throw one day.

With a tap of his finger it was gone, traveling through bits of data to show up as a small icon on Neemo’s end. There was a good chance he’d never even open it. Maybe it would be better that way. It had to be better that way, Brim wasn’t getting his hopes up, not again. Now it was time to break into the hotel mini fridge and drink until things stopped hurting, or at least until he felt numb. That would get it out of his system and at least in the morning he’d have something real to complain about.

He was onto his second drink when his phone buzzed with the arrival of a new message. An email. Opening it he found it was from the one person he’d thought would never speak to him again. There was nothing to it, aside from an address but that spoke of more than Brim would have ever thought it could. This was forgiveness, this was another chance to trap Neemo in his arms, taking him away to a place only the two of them could reach.

fin